Post by Vernice on Apr 27, 2007 15:48:03 GMT 7
Peer review by Vernice
Nina's article: Enthusiastic and world-weary
First of all, there are some wrong spellings in first and second paragraphs. Second, the punctuation such as space, comma, ect are put in the wrong place, too. Then, there are some run-on sentences in your articles. In the second paragraph, you use some good examples to support your topic sentence. But before you use Flethcher Joyce Fay's words, you can give more concrete support about Forrester. Then, you wrote "...and feels the world is meaningless to him." You can try to give another spcific example to prove that the world is meaningless to Forrester. In third paragraph, I can't understand what you're going to say in the sentence "...he went back to Forrester's home and gave himself up the next day."
In the concluding paragraph, you wrote, "...Jamal has changed Forrester's mind..." Before this sentence, you can explain more about why Jamal has changed Forrester's mind or what that makes you conclude with this idea.
Nina's article: Enthusiastic and world-weary
First of all, there are some wrong spellings in first and second paragraphs. Second, the punctuation such as space, comma, ect are put in the wrong place, too. Then, there are some run-on sentences in your articles. In the second paragraph, you use some good examples to support your topic sentence. But before you use Flethcher Joyce Fay's words, you can give more concrete support about Forrester. Then, you wrote "...and feels the world is meaningless to him." You can try to give another spcific example to prove that the world is meaningless to Forrester. In third paragraph, I can't understand what you're going to say in the sentence "...he went back to Forrester's home and gave himself up the next day."
In the concluding paragraph, you wrote, "...Jamal has changed Forrester's mind..." Before this sentence, you can explain more about why Jamal has changed Forrester's mind or what that makes you conclude with this idea.
